


Grieve

by SalemDae_45



Category: White Collar
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Depression, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 01:46:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/579950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalemDae_45/pseuds/SalemDae_45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kate died, Neal became reckless.  He does whatever he can to forget about her.  Even <i>conning people</i> again.<br/>originally published on 10/24/2011.  Redone on 12/1/12</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grieve

**Author's Note:**

> betaed by elrhiarhodan (thank you) and other mistakes are mine.

Neal’s back hit the wall as Clinton sucked along his jawline, leaving a purpleish bruise. He quickly took off Neal’s clothing while his hands marked his skin, claiming it as his own. Neal loved his hands; they were large, strong enough to hurt him, but gentle when they held him. He also loved the roughness of their encounter. What he loathed was using Clinton for his own selfish desire. 

When Kate died, Neal became reckless. He felt numb. She was the love of his life, the one person from whom he wanted validation. She brought stability and now she was gone. 

He tried to deny her death. He thought it was a nightmare. Neal hoped he would wake up and Kate would be there, waiting for him. 

It never happened.

Even at the memorial service, Neal wasn’t there mentally. He was in his own world, away from reality. It was surreal, hell and Neal couldn’t cope. He was falling apart.

He knew he could always talk to Peter about his grief. Their friendship made him feel better, but Peter had El. Peter doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a loved one. 

Sara was a momentary distraction. He didn’t want a relationship but needed to feel something. 

Clinton teased his nipples, nibbling and sucking interchangeably. Neal hissed. He arched his back when Clinton’s lips brushed his stomach until it landed on his cock. He caressed his inner thigh before placing Neal’s member in his mouth. 

Neal sensed Clinton wanted an escape too. After all, Clinton was an FBI agent who hardly had a life outside the job. There was an animalistic need Clinton kept inside until they decided to further their ‘relationship’. He promised to make Clinton feel good, as long as Clinton doesn’t fall in love with him. 

He knew Clinton wanted more but Neal wasn’t ready. He liked their relationship the way it was. 

With Clinton, he had his release. For a moment, he could swim in his guilt and no one would see him. He could pretend he was normal and not a shell of his former self. 

Clinton turned Neal towards the wall. Clinton sucked on his neck as he fucked him. Neal moaned, loving the feel of being fucked with no lube or spit. Not even a preparation or a warning, just raw and emotionless. He ground his cock against the wall as Clinton continued to thrust inside him. 

He wanted more pain. He wanted to forget about Kate and leave her in the past. 

Clinton kissed down his neck until he reached his back. He tongue felt cool, soothing. Neal’s eyes rolled to the back of his head every time he hit his spot almost bring him to his knees. Clinton continued to move inside him until he came and collapsed on his back. Neal laid his head against the wall, cold to his face. 

Neal felt Clinton moved from his body and heard him going to the bathroom. He longed for Clinton’s body heat, the connection. 

Neal closed his eyes and sighed. He wished it lasted one more minute. He almost believed he moved on.


End file.
